Sunday, July 14, 2013
- Nuclear Family System
- Joint Family System
- Economic strength of individual / welfare of society
- Socially desired family setup
- Values of family / Associative strength of family
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
What is emotional dependency? It is state where one person dominates other person’s life emotionally. Due to emotion’s softer feel, it hardly gets evident. Rather it provides great deal of joy. But freedom of dependent person is definitely sacrificed.
Jealousy/Rest is Threat
Thinking of the partner all the time:
- Counselor/Troubled Person
The same article has also been published in World Times Magazine, scans are provided below:
I hope you enjoyed reading the article.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I am delighted to inform you all that I was called in "Nadia Khan Show" broad casted on Pakistan's leading television channel "GEO TV". The show comprised of two episodes. Below are links to the show. Have a look, and do not forget to comment.
Joint Family vs Nuclear Family (Episode 1)
Joint Family vs Nuclear Family (Episode 2)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Recently my article about "Supernatural Creatures" is published in World Times Magazine (Vol-6, Issue/III, December 2011)
This article attempts to explain difference between Illusions, Hallucinations and experiencing Supernatural.
The Perception of Human Brain?
By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif
Does Supernatural exist? Or they exist in human brain only? Contemporary world; consider it to be myth of past. Call them ghosts, spirits, or whatever. Have you ever observed or met a ghost or a spirit? Many will answer in negation. Majority of the people who can reply the above question in “yes” their experiences lack evidence; but share commonality. Those who have not experienced any such supernatural; can argue that here exists simply no support and this topic shall not be discussed, but still literature, movies and tales include super naturals.
Super Naturals are bifurcated in 3 major categories:
2) Ghosts /Jinnis
Spirits are said to be human soul which comes out from the body as a result of transformation from life to death. Ghosts, commonly known as “jinn” in Urdu, are said to be altogether different species, having capability of living over more than this planet. They are believed to be mortals like humans, yet made of light/fire. Angels, according to different religious believes may differ; but they are believed to be made of light/fire like ghosts, but they are immortals and execute commands of God.
Most common traits about super naturals are:
1) They can vanish and appear any moment.
2) They are free from constraints of space and time.
3) Capability to look like any human or animal.
4) In their presence strange wave passes within body.
5) At times; strong feeling of fear may be experienced; even person willing to commit suicide will not enter in room, where presence of Super Natural is assured.
6) Often said to be big white un-identifiable or non-explainable object.
7) If in form of human, they are said to have big red pepper styled eyes.
Let me share experiences of those, who claim to have conversation with super naturals. Such incidents quoted by sane and educated people, raise question as why will they lie about it? If they are telling truth then what was that? Most common traits quoted with respect to observation are:
They may communicate in dream like situation; where one can hardly differentiate his/her state was fully awake or sleeping.
2) While listening, weeping due to fear may trigger.
3) Communication may not necessarily follow any language. Just feeling gets transferred about what supernatural is saying.
4) Speech is often with echo effect i.e. humans speak in state of flu
5) And when it is not conversation; but voices are heard from large distance. Language is said to be native like. Yet cannot be understood.
Other than observations and communication; few instances have taken in my consideration which seems too difficult to comprehend for those who have never experienced. Few cemeteries are said to be haunted, where spirits can be observed at certain time. Stories of haunted houses, where people get terrified, kicked, slapped or shaken up while sleeping.
Being a psychologist, people often share such experiences with me. A student of mine, who is a house wife, shared her experience with me. She was living in big old house and she forgot the TV remote control at top floor of house and came down to ground floor; she heard allot of stories about presence of ghost in that house but she never believed. Being extremely fatigued; she just wished and communicated in her heart. If here is really some ghost; please bring that TV remote control from top floor. In less than fraction of second, TV remote control was thrown at table. She experienced intense fear and had to shift house.
One of my friend claimed that he had experienced such incidents twice. He told that around 2:00 am he was shook by somebody to wake up. Perceiving someone unfamiliar in his room, made him terrified. He claimed that the jinn penetrated in his body and communicated with him. His other family members witness the change in his voice during that state. Second time when the jinn came he was not even terrified as the atmosphere of the room became enlightened and peaceful. This time the jinn gave him few advices to offer prayers and respect and love few identified people and then vanished.
It is not necessary that everyone one of us have experienced conversation, but provided minor incidents might have been experienced by us; and we tagged it as false observation. Common observations include feeling as if someone has walked from back, or false observation of movement in another room. In some instances few people claims to hear clear sound of reading/recitation from some abandoned room of house; sound of footsteps from upper floor, sounds as if some furniture is being dragged; all these observations become strange when it comes from residents who may live in single story villa. Having no possibility to have furniture over their roof top; to which any thief may wish to adjust at mid of night.
All these stories may be categorized as fiction; but having huge set of people claiming almost same experience? Provoke higher level interest; yet, those who deny, in their natural need wish to either experience it or prove it to be wrong; this is why here attempt has been made to enlist, time, places or other circumstances where super naturals have said to be observed.
1) Abandoned Places
a. It can be vacant house, ruins of some castle/house
b. Jungle (Where humans hardly visit)
c. This can be even some room of house i.e. store room or some place at top floor where hardly anyone visits.
d. Grave Yards (Sound of cries or laughter)
2) At Night, often late hours
3) Abandoned and old trees
4) Buildings with 20 to 30 years of age (less or not populated).
5) Places, where you fear for no reason. It may be any room of your own house.
6) Dirty places/Wash room
Modern science is not able to provide satisfactory evidence in its support. Although; observing something that cannot be observed by others, is known as hallucination. But this is often due to serious malfunctioning of brain; which can be medically diagnosed. And it seems impossible for normal people to experience anything which we call super naturals. But some of the normal people can experience hallucination in severe depression. For example majority of the people after the loss of a loved one claim that the spirit comes to visit them or after a break-up one can feel the presence of the loved one around him/her.
This opens door for another possibility; to which we call Illusion; Illusions are circumstances where humans misinterpret physical object, with respect to visuals. For example, having one’s unconscious mind already occupied by fears; some illusions may take place; i.e. hanging kite may be misinterpreted as some ghost's face or hanging cloths may feel like dead body to some. Although Illusions are visual misinterpretations only; But here exists set of people who are neither suffering from hallucination nor have fears. But still they claim to have experience of conversations as well.
Another very strong argument would be that “Our eyes see, what our mind wants to perceive” i.e moon can be perceived as “Roti” (bread) by a severely hungry or starved person, as our perceptions are greatly influenced by our desires, feelings, wishes, apprehensions, fears and motivations.
Here is great amount of information available and discussed regarding ghosts, daemon, evil spirits, holy spirits, vampires and several observations about haunted places. But it never reached to any conclusion; those who have experienced, believe, others deny. But it definitely identifies human thirst to know more.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Dowry an Evil? Crime? or Tradition?
By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif
Tradition of making payments at time of wedding is older than any written records. Although in some societies and cultures, there exist rules related to “Bride Price”. Bride Price is contrasted with dowry; it is amount of money paid to bride or her family at time of marriage. Where dowry is money or assets that bride brings with her. Another arrangement termed as “dower” has several alterations in different cultures; but popularly it is amount of money paid from husband’s property or by state in case female is widowed.
Anciently, dowry has been considered as more respectable arrangement than bride price. It differs in cultures, but both traditions “bride price” and “dowry” may exist in some. Reason dowry was considered more respectful was that; “bride price” used to be calculated as slave girl’s market price. Or as compensation of total labor hours that she could contribute to her parent family.
Whereas dowry was considered to be a gift given by wealthy family of women; but with time it escalated such that higher the amount of dowry, more respectable wedding arrangement would be considered. It could also be considered that it is to snub barbaric nature of male by providing even more food to his barbarism. It is commonly believed that higher amount of dowry may ensure that husband or his family will not ill treat the bride. In social war of keeping high esteem, standard expectations of dowry have increased many folds.
In Pakistani society; except few areas in North, ancient tradition of dowry is practiced and it is well known to majority of educated class. That it is aged tradition; that may have more implications than benefits. But there exists very few to have courage to challenge this tradition. I am trying to point few most common window dressed arguments that fall in favor of dowry.
- Young men cannot afford to settle with their new family
- To have peaceful life for bride, it is important to buy her house
- Everyone does this, and our daughter shall have more dowry than anyone else did
- It presents how much we love our daughter
- It compensates, less share that females get in parent’s property inheritance
- Socially desire act cannot be stopped; what will other say about it?
If all above arguments are right, then how come few societies have practiced “bride price” instead of dowry?
It may be considered as simple principle of supply & demand of both genders. Where exists more men; and less wealthy women; societies may practice “bride price”. Here men shall pay price as gift/ compensation to bride’s family to get married. Whereas societies having more women and less wealthy men; to make lucky match. Dowry is practiced. But we cannot control gender balance in society; how can we judge what is better for society? Dowry or Dower?
Where is the balance?
Majority of the poor class families still think in this cruel way that "If I don’t kill her today; tomorrow she will kill me financially or someone else will burn her for the sake of dowry," this is the reason; why millions of women are put to death; even today, especially in Indian society.
Dowry is one extreme; due to which we observe every day stories; where old man depletes all his resources that shall help him live comfortable last days of his life, in favor of his beloved young daughter.
This is why time is back; when daughter is born; and her father start calculating heavy financially burden that lies over his shoulders. It is not only with lower socio-economic class. Our educated class too is not educated. Our religion advocates, birth of female child as blessing. And fathers will be rewarded heavens for bringing up female child without discrimination. But we consider them as obligation and punishment from God.
Muslim fathers shall not be burdened with dowry, instead young men shall give women their obligatory gift (Haq Mehar) ; happily as presentation of their promised love. Nikah is considered to be simple ceremony, with few close invites and witnesses. And party thrown by groom (Waleema) is grand feast in celebration of wedding. Though, increased amount of financial burden over groom (dower /gift to bride) can cost several problems for societies too. This is why it is recommended in Islamic Religion “The best of the marriages is one which is least burdensome in the financial sense to the families of the bride and the groom"
Alas! Such nice principles we have forgotten in place of outdated traditions that we have borrowed from societies we have lived with. I am ashamed to state that; in depth of our heart, today daughters are considered as burden & curse.
We very happily consider gift to bride (Haq Mehar) as optional or extra; where dowry is accepted as mandatory practice. For Mehar applies no financial formulas, no inflation adjusters. But for all our routine life we do. Please think, where we are leading our society? Today again evil of dowry compels us to feel happy to have son, and sorrow to have daughter. Allah’s appreciated practice of Nikah is becoming challenging task for families; due to which arise many unacceptable problems that is polluting our society.