Sunday, July 14, 2013

My article with subject of "Finding match for my Son" has been published in famous fashion magazine "ASIANA Wedding" (Vol 2, Issue 7, 2013). I hope you will have enjoyable and exciting read.





Perfect Match for the Only Son

By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif


In societies like ours, right from the birth of a baby girl; parents sleeve up to find the perfect match, the girl is always recipient of well wishes related to her life partner. This clearly presents insecurity in our society about girls. It is true that we live in a male dominated society; where parents of girl stay worried about making her match. Right from girl's teen age her family starts pursuit of finding the best match. Much to the ease for parents, demographics have changed a little, now young girls and boys find match of their choice during university years and become couples.

Still we cannot deny that in society like ours, finding match for your princes is difficult. Parents of the girl think that finding match of a boy is easier. But believe me grass is always greener at the other side. Let me narrate the situation of other side.

Imagine a mid aged woman who parented up a boy, and the boy who took all the major decisions of his life with consent of his “Mama”. This boy outshined in higher education, brought good name to his family. To whom she taught highest of moral values, he respect the other gender as gentleman. If he ever disorient from his teachings, he reports to his mother and pays penalty obediently. For all his success, he acknowledges his mother and her teachings. This is a character that can only be found in imaginary films. Despite punishments & strictness inflicted by his mom; this 26 years old man never lied or cheated to his Mama. This filmy boy has turned in to a young man. His friendly personality topped with his progress in early years of career, where he is known for his confidence and professionalism, society tag him as "eligible bachelor".








Many of us might think finding match for such boy is one of easiest thing to do. But the issue is that, due to value system of his mother, he has successfully failed to inspire any of his female course mates or colleagues. He is master in developing business relations, but has failed to date even one woman in his life. In modern society, it is expected out of youth to select and inspire their partners on their own; but values that he carry conflicts with these expectations and he will continuously fail to select his life partner on his own. At this stage this does not matter, if his mother allows him to find life partner. He has not developed this ability during course of time.

In modern social circle, his colleagues and friends tag him as social failure for his unwillingness towards finding his life partner. On other hand his mother is now worrying to find the best match for her only son. Especially after overhearing the stories of every day marriage failure in contemporary world, all the media hype about suffering of mothers after they get their sons married. She wants to find a girl who not only carry high moral standards, but she shall also be able to carry herself as per expectations of the modern society. On top of it, the mother carries a fear of losing her son's obedience in hands of the young women.
Apart from provided fears & expectations of his mother, boy's extended family also exert pressure to include few areas of consideration i.e. religious beliefs, family origin of the girl, her family structure, sects and even 
the language style.

In pursuit of finding a fairy for her obedient and loving son, she is puzzled and trying to touch every possible source of information about match making. All of her friends, family members are engaged in spotting the right match for this “Mama’s Boy”. List of challenges does not end here, instead of just listening to his Mom’s command, boy subtly has given a wishful characteristics of girl too; and he conveniently added “MOM!, rest whatever you deem appropriate”.

Here starts the interesting part; if mother finds a beautiful girl, she would lack on moral values. With other characteristics fit; a girl might be too ambitious in her career. Few girls within family fall at other side of political wall that too are not an option. She gets proposals from very high profile families, where she feels insecure due to immense social and financial differences. When she spots the right match, extended family pressurize to let the option go due to socially undesired characteristics in girl’s parents. In some cases girl is too modern, and in some she is too ancient. In some cases girl’s parents are rigid religious believers and in others they are too lenient. To agony of this mother, majority of her son’s course mates are getting married; and she feels threatened that society might go out of girls.

She fears to expedite the process, knowing several examples where girls spoiled life of the boy. She feels worried, that her only son might get too disoriented if she would find the wrong match. She knows, her son will always respect the other gender and his wife might unduly capitalize on his civility. This mother in her youth selected soul mates for her brothers, and she was not happy with choices she made in past.
All her life she lived according to rules of others i.e. her father, brothers & husband. She wants to enjoy youthful days of her Son. Where she can see her son living by her teachings. She has aged and often suffers through depression.

She is extremely worried, currently sitting on a couch, thinking that how come it is perceived, that getting your son married is an easy task. From where can I find my daughter in law? A girl who can keep my only son happy…. While thinking this she prays for her son. “God! Bless my son with good luck”. “Allah mere betay kay naseeb achay karay”


This flip side of match making can only be understood by Mothers, whose most precious asset is their only son. So it be your daughter or son. Match making is no easy job.


Family System / Joint vs. Nuclear Family System

My article with subject of "Family System" has been published in famous fashion magazine "ASIANA Wedding" (Vol 2, Issue 6, 2012). I hope you will have enjoyable read and will get to learn something new.

Joint vs. Nuclear Family System
By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif

After my appearance in Pakistan’s leading talk show on subject of pros and cons of different family system. I decided to develop understanding of masses on this important subject. Concern of living in any type of family is not that simple. As individuals there are several forces which motivate us to live in certain order.
This article does not advocate any type of family system, but here attempt is to highlight key family systems, reasons why they exist and what are forces on families that determine their decision in a particular family system. Eventually, after reading this article one will be able to decide, which mode of family living system is likely to bring more comfort and happiness.
In contemporary world, there exists many family systems, but we will be discussing two most popular family types in Pakistan. That is:

  • Nuclear Family System
  • Joint Family System


Nuclear family is said to be a family system, where a couple (married legally & religiously) is living with their children (adopted or born).

Joint family system is also known as “Extended Family” or “Extended Family System”. In this discussion “joint family system”, will be used for family that is living with two generations, i.e. Grand Parents living with their complete family tree till Grand Children, or Great-Grand Parents living with their whole layer of family tree till Great-Grand Children.

Let us discuss causes as how and why humans decide to live in any type of family system. For ages, humans have been living in societies due to numerous factors, including security, distribution of work and luxury of socializing. 



Being social animal, humans tend live with each others. But humans also like to maintain limits of privacy too. And this need of privacy increases when society attains maturity. It can easily be observed that educated class of any society demands their privacy to be maintained. When this requirement arises, humans tend to make their smaller communes.

Given, nature of humans to be free, it will not be wrong to state that higher the financial strength of society, greater is probability of families to live in nuclear, single-parent or some other isolated setup. That family arrangement will become popular in this case, which allows higher freedom. It might be pointed out that financial strength might not be the only reason of preferred family setup. Yes, there are other factors determining family setup too.

Think for a moment, when in public, why do we act in certain way? We change our body language, tone of voice, dress and all gesture according to that environment. Same way, humans tend to live their life style as per society’s expectation. If it is norm in society for children to establish their separate units after marriage, here is higher probability to have “Nuclear Family System” as popular arrangement in society. And new couples are highly likely to follow the norm.

But determinants do not end here, other than financial factor and norm of society, another key determinant is norm of family. If family tradition is very strong and leave very high influence on its members; then family members are highly likely to stay in family influenced mode of living. This is usually evident in extended family systems, where members are encouraged and expected to show their loyalty to their extended family. i.e. In Pakistan’s tribal areas, where family members have very strong ties. Huge families along with their complete family tree are likely to live in their big houses. 

All three factors complement one another, in case of extended family example. Having one locus of financial control in hands of family head is very important. This can be done either when whole family is dependent on one single source of income, i.e. same agricultural land or some other form of business. Or it can be done through very strong family ties where every member is expected to present portion of their income to head of family; in turn, head of family will manage and distribute finances. This will usually be observed where family association might provide benefits like, respect in society, political influence or might be other power needs that get satisfied by staying with main family name.

Summing up, any mode of family system is acceptable in different circumstances, but while considering any mode of family system, all three key determinants needs to be considered by families very rationally and these three determinants are:

  1. Economic strength of individual / welfare of society
  2. Socially desired family setup
  3. Values of family / Associative strength of family


In case couples demand freedom and is happily willing to compromise on social pressure and does not find key family name as a challenge, they may wish to live in unit family system. Obviously care and respect of parents shall always be considered. In our social setup, couple living with parents might also be considered as mid form of Unit Family System & Joint Family System.

Families’ where members have similar financial status and significant freedom is provided to every couple, they might wish considering joint family or extended family system better. But having strong family values and moral values are very important to live in this system, otherwise regular conflicts among members will be experienced.

To provide one liner, if couple believes more in values and love to live in big family and compromise on their own privacy & freedom they shall live in joint family system. If smaller unit believe they may live in smaller house, and have sufficient financial muscle to support their extended family at distance and support their own smaller unit, they shall opt for nuclear family setup, because in Pakistan, both types of family systems are socially acceptable.

Hence no single mode of living can be said as the best for everyone. Families shall decide their mode of living, considering above provided factors.



This was my attempt of generating awareness about different family systems coupled with advantages and disadvantages of each.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Emotional Dependency

My article with subject of "Emotional Dependency" has been published in two renowned magazines "World Times" (Vol 6, Issue XI, August 2012) and "ASIANA Wedding" (Vol 2, Issue 5, 2012). Provided are scans of magazine and my article. I hope you will have a enjoyable read.







Such sentences “I cannot live without you” getting to knees for having an eye contact of a particular person, seems so sweet? Isn’t it?

If this is continuing for quite some time; then you or who so ever you observed is in mid of emotional dependence hurricane. From where it gets evident that it will only take to un-controllable destruction. At least studies depict this; and it is almost always that both parties knowing about situation, steps away from one another, only to get closer.






What is emotional dependency? It is state where one person dominates other person’s life emotionally. Due to emotion’s softer feel, it hardly gets evident. Rather it provides great deal of joy. But freedom of dependent person is definitely sacrificed.

Emotional dependency does not necessarily mean romantic relationship; it may exist between anyone, it can be teacher/student, psychiatrist/patient, parent/child, husband/wife, siblings, and friends of same or opposite gender.

This state is no different than drug addict; who has all possible excuses, manipulation and argument to take drug. Knowing it will kill; he/she desires to dilute his life in addiction. Same way; once emotionally dependent over other, person desires to dilute life in emotional dependency and avoid freedom. Here may not be a yard stick to measure emotional dependency; but educated guess can be made.

Symptoms

Jealousy/Rest is Threat

Dependent person get over possessive about partner; and find him getting jealous too easily, not only from humans, but activities, hobbies or other things that keep partner busy, seems to be threat. To overcome that threat; dependent person tries to capture whole time of partner. They find loss of interest in socialization; but that special one. And when asked about their relationship; they get too defensive.

Finishing Everything:

Willingness to confront God’s Will, Nature, Law of society, Moral values or anything that may come as source of withdrawl from partner; in case of possible threat of withdrawal, serious consideration to suicide, destroying its source and even killing partner may appear.

Thinking of the partner all the time:

This attitude is quite evident, through routine fantasies of partner, presence, fragrance or what conversation shall take place next time is evident. In few intense cases real life like presence of partner may be experienced.

Over Presentation:

Emotions of all relations get to converge at one point; haze of relations is felt, mixed feelings like intimacy, respect, relaxation, achievement, joy, fear and several emotions are experienced. Excessive affection is presented; that may seem beyond social norms of given relation (i.e. parent/child, friends or any). And continuous physical and verbal affection is assured, i.e. (lots of hugs, back/shoulder rubs), thanking too much, excessive praise “you are only one who understands”.
Emotionally dependant partners understand each other to extent; where it makes rest of family/friends un-comfortable. Without that person; No plan gets finalized, either long-run or short-run, travelling for business or re-creation. That person’s worries, wishes, problems, interest and personality keeps the dependant occupied. Greatest of desire is to spend time with that one person in isolation; failure to which causes great deal of frustration, resentment and aggression.
Threats to break relationship, making other person feel insecure and attempts to suicides are some other traits that are clear signals about emotional dependency.







Roots:

This, enticing yet harmful state comes up like slow poisoning; but from where? How and when it comes? During emotional state, when humans need support if someone provide following
a.       Attention
b.      Listening
c.       Admiration
d.      Praise
e.      Spend Time Together

It is highly likely that in such sensitive state humans will get dependant over other. Once humans began to feel they can attain more social comfort with minimal effort; they direct all efforts towards one person. And with time; get addicted to comfort provided by him/her.

Few people are sensitive / rigid by nature; and some feel difficulty in sharing their inner feelings with everyone. They may seem to be very outgoing; yet burry sorrows in their heart. Such people often wish to find one comfort zone where they can deposit all their worries. In simple; when social or emotional demands of one person get perfectly entertained by another. Emotional dependence takes place.
Definitely it seems to be very sweet and touched relation; then what kind of problems we may have. And why we are trying to pitch emotional dependence as negative phenomenon.

First problem is that human wishes to fill all social needs which is like putting all the eggs in one basket. Once one person dependence takes place, Slightest of negative feedback gives high level of grief and resentment. Emotional dependent people began to socially isolate themselves, eventually reducing their networking capabilities. And in turn; they not only become slave to their wishes. They become low productive resource for society.

Most of all; loss of friends causes sorrow to all, but emotionally dependent get panic attacks, depression, un-controllable anger towards society or sometimes God. Due to which their separation may ruin their life. Life is valuable; it is gift of nature that shall not be wasted.
Emotional dependency can be avoided by keeping healthy sized social network; communicating with many. Resisting, over reliance over one person; now days it is easy by keeping different hobbies. Such as computer games, sports and gardening. Extra activities serve as additional source of happiness. Some relations are highly probable to have emotional dependency; plus societies often consider it acceptable to have emotional dependency in such relations.

For Example:

  • Parent/Child
  • Teacher/Student
  • Husband/Wife
  • Counselor/Troubled Person




Emotional dependence shall be avoided in all circumstances; say, in our society it is so much appreciated to be affectionate towards others. But here stays difference being emotionally dependant and love. One will never be able to understand element of freedom; unless he/she attains it back. This can only come from realization; that feelings are sourced inside; not outside. Emotionally dependent believes feelings to be sourced from loved one. For example; if person on whom he/she is dependant. Could not meet him day he/she promised. Argument will come like “I have been looking your way, all day; Outside in extreme temperature; so at least I can look at you. Because I know you are too busy to be bothered to talk to me”. In reality; dependant person is seeking his satisfaction, in other person. It is just matter of believe if he is emotionally strong; person can set any standard of satisfaction. The way he has set his satisfaction in attaining other person’s attention, affection or sight; it can be set say; playing computer games or sports. Satisfaction can come through that healthy recognition too. Take charge of your life. Before someone else does; believe in yourself, it is yourself not someone else whose life you are living.






The same article has also been published in World Times Magazine, scans are provided below:




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I hope you enjoyed reading the article.




Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Nadia Khan Show (Joint Family vs Nuclear Family)

Dear Readers,

I am delighted to inform you all that I was called in "Nadia Khan Show" broad casted on Pakistan's leading television channel "GEO TV". The show comprised of two episodes. Below are links to the show. Have a look, and do not forget to comment.

Joint Family vs Nuclear Family (Episode 1)

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Wd2v-iC7fWk

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Dt3si0IchZ8

Joint Family vs Nuclear Family (Episode 2)


1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4rpPk256KY

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i5MNvLD-50&feature=relmfu

3) http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ea0HmDYTFlk?rel=0

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55SQ2RP8Z6I

5) http://www.youtube.com/embed/IyFGXBuX_v4?rel=0

6) http://www.youtube.com/embed/sJZiRThySTE

7) http://www.youtube.com/embed/RHn58OI4cWc?rel=0

video




Monday, April 16, 2012

Run Away Grils: Eloping

Problem of ill treatment with women is not of one society; it is global. And in given article, reasons and solution to problem of "Run Away" girls has been discussed.

This article has been published in recent issue(VII) of World Times Magazine, Vol 6. April 2012.







Monday, January 2, 2012

Supernatural Creatures or The Perception of Human Brain



Recently my article about "Supernatural Creatures" is published in World Times Magazine (Vol-6, Issue/III, December 2011)


This article attempts to explain difference between Illusions, Hallucinations and experiencing Supernatural.







Supernatural Creatures

Or

The Perception of Human Brain?

By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif



Does Supernatural exist? Or they exist in human brain only? Contemporary world; consider it to be myth of past. Call them ghosts, spirits, or whatever. Have you ever observed or met a ghost or a spirit? Many will answer in negation. Majority of the people who can reply the above question in “yes” their experiences lack evidence; but share commonality. Those who have not experienced any such supernatural; can argue that here exists simply no support and this topic shall not be discussed, but still literature, movies and tales include super naturals.

Super Naturals are bifurcated in 3 major categories:

1) Spirits

2) Ghosts /Jinnis

3) Angels


Spirits are said to be human soul which comes out from the body as a result of transformation from life to death. Ghosts, commonly known as “jinn” in Urdu, are said to be altogether different species, having capability of living over more than this planet. They are believed to be mortals like humans, yet made of light/fire. Angels, according to different religious believes may differ; but they are believed to be made of light/fire like ghosts, but they are immortals and execute commands of God.


Most common traits about super naturals are:

1) They can vanish and appear any moment.

2) They are free from constraints of space and time.

3) Capability to look like any human or animal.

4) In their presence strange wave passes within body.

5) At times; strong feeling of fear may be experienced; even person willing to commit suicide will not enter in room, where presence of Super Natural is assured.

6) Often said to be big white un-identifiable or non-explainable object.

7) If in form of human, they are said to have big red pepper styled eyes.


Let me share experiences of those, who claim to have conversation with super naturals. Such incidents quoted by sane and educated people, raise question as why will they lie about it? If they are telling truth then what was that? Most common traits quoted with respect to observation are:

1)

They may communicate in dream like situation; where one can hardly differentiate his/her state was fully awake or sleeping.

2) While listening, weeping due to fear may trigger.

3) Communication may not necessarily follow any language. Just feeling gets transferred about what supernatural is saying.

4) Speech is often with echo effect i.e. humans speak in state of flu

5) And when it is not conversation; but voices are heard from large distance. Language is said to be native like. Yet cannot be understood.

Other than observations and communication; few instances have taken in my consideration which seems too difficult to comprehend for those who have never experienced. Few cemeteries are said to be haunted, where spirits can be observed at certain time. Stories of haunted houses, where people get terrified, kicked, slapped or shaken up while sleeping.


Being a psychologist, people often share such experiences with me. A student of mine, who is a house wife, shared her experience with me. She was living in big old house and she forgot the TV remote control at top floor of house and came down to ground floor; she heard allot of stories about presence of ghost in that house but she never believed. Being extremely fatigued; she just wished and communicated in her heart. If here is really some ghost; please bring that TV remote control from top floor. In less than fraction of second, TV remote control was thrown at table. She experienced intense fear and had to shift house.


One of my friend claimed that he had experienced such incidents twice. He told that around 2:00 am he was shook by somebody to wake up. Perceiving someone unfamiliar in his room, made him terrified. He claimed that the jinn penetrated in his body and communicated with him. His other family members witness the change in his voice during that state. Second time when the jinn came he was not even terrified as the atmosphere of the room became enlightened and peaceful. This time the jinn gave him few advices to offer prayers and respect and love few identified people and then vanished.


It is not necessary that everyone one of us have experienced conversation, but provided minor incidents might have been experienced by us; and we tagged it as false observation. Common observations include feeling as if someone has walked from back, or false observation of movement in another room. In some instances few people claims to hear clear sound of reading/recitation from some abandoned room of house; sound of footsteps from upper floor, sounds as if some furniture is being dragged; all these observations become strange when it comes from residents who may live in single story villa. Having no possibility to have furniture over their roof top; to which any thief may wish to adjust at mid of night.


All these stories may be categorized as fiction; but having huge set of people claiming almost same experience? Provoke higher level interest; yet, those who deny, in their natural need wish to either experience it or prove it to be wrong; this is why here attempt has been made to enlist, time, places or other circumstances where super naturals have said to be observed.


1) Abandoned Places

a. It can be vacant house, ruins of some castle/house

b. Jungle (Where humans hardly visit)

c. This can be even some room of house i.e. store room or some place at top floor where hardly anyone visits.

d. Grave Yards (Sound of cries or laughter)

2) At Night, often late hours

3) Abandoned and old trees

4) Buildings with 20 to 30 years of age (less or not populated).

5) Places, where you fear for no reason. It may be any room of your own house.

6) Dirty places/Wash room


Modern science is not able to provide satisfactory evidence in its support. Although; observing something that cannot be observed by others, is known as hallucination. But this is often due to serious malfunctioning of brain; which can be medically diagnosed. And it seems impossible for normal people to experience anything which we call super naturals. But some of the normal people can experience hallucination in severe depression. For example majority of the people after the loss of a loved one claim that the spirit comes to visit them or after a break-up one can feel the presence of the loved one around him/her.


This opens door for another possibility; to which we call Illusion; Illusions are circumstances where humans misinterpret physical object, with respect to visuals. For example, having one’s unconscious mind already occupied by fears; some illusions may take place; i.e. hanging kite may be misinterpreted as some ghost's face or hanging cloths may feel like dead body to some. Although Illusions are visual misinterpretations only; But here exists set of people who are neither suffering from hallucination nor have fears. But still they claim to have experience of conversations as well.


Another very strong argument would be that “Our eyes see, what our mind wants to perceive” i.e moon can be perceived as “Roti” (bread) by a severely hungry or starved person, as our perceptions are greatly influenced by our desires, feelings, wishes, apprehensions, fears and motivations.


Here is great amount of information available and discussed regarding ghosts, daemon, evil spirits, holy spirits, vampires and several observations about haunted places. But it never reached to any conclusion; those who have experienced, believe, others deny. But it definitely identifies human thirst to know more.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dowry an Evil, Crime or Tradition?

Thousands got burned, and millions presented life time sacrifice in different ages and times; but flame of ruthless dowry is burning with never ending fuel of so called ego and traditions.


This article addresses contemporary hot issue of dowry, its history and different formation of same practice separated by time, space and cultures



Dowry an Evil? Crime? or Tradition?

By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif

Tradition of making payments at time of wedding is older than any written records. Although in some societies and cultures, there exist rules related to “Bride Price”. Bride Price is contrasted with dowry; it is amount of money paid to bride or her family at time of marriage. Where dowry is money or assets that bride brings with her. Another arrangement termed as “dower” has several alterations in different cultures; but popularly it is amount of money paid from husband’s property or by state in case female is widowed.


Anciently, dowry has been considered as more respectable arrangement than bride price. It differs in cultures, but both traditions “bride price” and “dowry” may exist in some. Reason dowry was considered more respectful was that; “bride price” used to be calculated as slave girl’s market price. Or as compensation of total labor hours that she could contribute to her parent family.


Whereas dowry was considered to be a gift given by wealthy family of women; but with time it escalated such that higher the amount of dowry, more respectable wedding arrangement would be considered. It could also be considered that it is to snub barbaric nature of male by providing even more food to his barbarism. It is commonly believed that higher amount of dowry may ensure that husband or his family will not ill treat the bride. In social war of keeping high esteem, standard expectations of dowry have increased many folds.


In Pakistani society; except few areas in North, ancient tradition of dowry is practiced and it is well known to majority of educated class. That it is aged tradition; that may have more implications than benefits. But there exists very few to have courage to challenge this tradition. I am trying to point few most common window dressed arguments that fall in favor of dowry.


- Young men cannot afford to settle with their new family

- To have peaceful life for bride, it is important to buy her house

- Everyone does this, and our daughter shall have more dowry than anyone else did

- It presents how much we love our daughter

- It compensates, less share that females get in parent’s property inheritance

- Socially desire act cannot be stopped; what will other say about it?

If all above arguments are right, then how come few societies have practiced “bride price” instead of dowry?


It may be considered as simple principle of supply & demand of both genders. Where exists more men; and less wealthy women; societies may practice “bride price”. Here men shall pay price as gift/ compensation to bride’s family to get married. Whereas societies having more women and less wealthy men; to make lucky match. Dowry is practiced. But we cannot control gender balance in society; how can we judge what is better for society? Dowry or Dower?


Where is the balance?

Majority of the poor class families still think in this cruel way that "If I don’t kill her today; tomorrow she will kill me financially or someone else will burn her for the sake of dowry," this is the reason; why millions of women are put to death; even today, especially in Indian society.


Dowry is one extreme; due to which we observe every day stories; where old man depletes all his resources that shall help him live comfortable last days of his life, in favor of his beloved young daughter.


This is why time is back; when daughter is born; and her father start calculating heavy financially burden that lies over his shoulders. It is not only with lower socio-economic class. Our educated class too is not educated. Our religion advocates, birth of female child as blessing. And fathers will be rewarded heavens for bringing up female child without discrimination. But we consider them as obligation and punishment from God.


Muslim fathers shall not be burdened with dowry, instead young men shall give women their obligatory gift (Haq Mehar) ; happily as presentation of their promised love. Nikah is considered to be simple ceremony, with few close invites and witnesses. And party thrown by groom (Waleema) is grand feast in celebration of wedding. Though, increased amount of financial burden over groom (dower /gift to bride) can cost several problems for societies too. This is why it is recommended in Islamic Religion “The best of the marriages is one which is least burdensome in the financial sense to the families of the bride and the groom"


Alas! Such nice principles we have forgotten in place of outdated traditions that we have borrowed from societies we have lived with. I am ashamed to state that; in depth of our heart, today daughters are considered as burden & curse.


We very happily consider gift to bride (Haq Mehar) as optional or extra; where dowry is accepted as mandatory practice. For Mehar applies no financial formulas, no inflation adjusters. But for all our routine life we do. Please think, where we are leading our society? Today again evil of dowry compels us to feel happy to have son, and sorrow to have daughter. Allah’s appreciated practice of Nikah is becoming challenging task for families; due to which arise many unacceptable problems that is polluting our society.