Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Emotional Dependency

My article with subject of "Emotional Dependency" has been published in two renowned magazines "World Times" (Vol 6, Issue XI, August 2012) and "ASIANA Wedding" (Vol 2, Issue 5, 2012). Provided are scans of magazine and my article. I hope you will have a enjoyable read.

Such sentences “I cannot live without you” getting to knees for having an eye contact of a particular person, seems so sweet? Isn’t it?

If this is continuing for quite some time; then you or who so ever you observed is in mid of emotional dependence hurricane. From where it gets evident that it will only take to un-controllable destruction. At least studies depict this; and it is almost always that both parties knowing about situation, steps away from one another, only to get closer.

What is emotional dependency? It is state where one person dominates other person’s life emotionally. Due to emotion’s softer feel, it hardly gets evident. Rather it provides great deal of joy. But freedom of dependent person is definitely sacrificed.

Emotional dependency does not necessarily mean romantic relationship; it may exist between anyone, it can be teacher/student, psychiatrist/patient, parent/child, husband/wife, siblings, and friends of same or opposite gender.

This state is no different than drug addict; who has all possible excuses, manipulation and argument to take drug. Knowing it will kill; he/she desires to dilute his life in addiction. Same way; once emotionally dependent over other, person desires to dilute life in emotional dependency and avoid freedom. Here may not be a yard stick to measure emotional dependency; but educated guess can be made.


Jealousy/Rest is Threat

Dependent person get over possessive about partner; and find him getting jealous too easily, not only from humans, but activities, hobbies or other things that keep partner busy, seems to be threat. To overcome that threat; dependent person tries to capture whole time of partner. They find loss of interest in socialization; but that special one. And when asked about their relationship; they get too defensive.

Finishing Everything:

Willingness to confront God’s Will, Nature, Law of society, Moral values or anything that may come as source of withdrawl from partner; in case of possible threat of withdrawal, serious consideration to suicide, destroying its source and even killing partner may appear.

Thinking of the partner all the time:

This attitude is quite evident, through routine fantasies of partner, presence, fragrance or what conversation shall take place next time is evident. In few intense cases real life like presence of partner may be experienced.

Over Presentation:

Emotions of all relations get to converge at one point; haze of relations is felt, mixed feelings like intimacy, respect, relaxation, achievement, joy, fear and several emotions are experienced. Excessive affection is presented; that may seem beyond social norms of given relation (i.e. parent/child, friends or any). And continuous physical and verbal affection is assured, i.e. (lots of hugs, back/shoulder rubs), thanking too much, excessive praise “you are only one who understands”.
Emotionally dependant partners understand each other to extent; where it makes rest of family/friends un-comfortable. Without that person; No plan gets finalized, either long-run or short-run, travelling for business or re-creation. That person’s worries, wishes, problems, interest and personality keeps the dependant occupied. Greatest of desire is to spend time with that one person in isolation; failure to which causes great deal of frustration, resentment and aggression.
Threats to break relationship, making other person feel insecure and attempts to suicides are some other traits that are clear signals about emotional dependency.


This, enticing yet harmful state comes up like slow poisoning; but from where? How and when it comes? During emotional state, when humans need support if someone provide following
a.       Attention
b.      Listening
c.       Admiration
d.      Praise
e.      Spend Time Together

It is highly likely that in such sensitive state humans will get dependant over other. Once humans began to feel they can attain more social comfort with minimal effort; they direct all efforts towards one person. And with time; get addicted to comfort provided by him/her.

Few people are sensitive / rigid by nature; and some feel difficulty in sharing their inner feelings with everyone. They may seem to be very outgoing; yet burry sorrows in their heart. Such people often wish to find one comfort zone where they can deposit all their worries. In simple; when social or emotional demands of one person get perfectly entertained by another. Emotional dependence takes place.
Definitely it seems to be very sweet and touched relation; then what kind of problems we may have. And why we are trying to pitch emotional dependence as negative phenomenon.

First problem is that human wishes to fill all social needs which is like putting all the eggs in one basket. Once one person dependence takes place, Slightest of negative feedback gives high level of grief and resentment. Emotional dependent people began to socially isolate themselves, eventually reducing their networking capabilities. And in turn; they not only become slave to their wishes. They become low productive resource for society.

Most of all; loss of friends causes sorrow to all, but emotionally dependent get panic attacks, depression, un-controllable anger towards society or sometimes God. Due to which their separation may ruin their life. Life is valuable; it is gift of nature that shall not be wasted.
Emotional dependency can be avoided by keeping healthy sized social network; communicating with many. Resisting, over reliance over one person; now days it is easy by keeping different hobbies. Such as computer games, sports and gardening. Extra activities serve as additional source of happiness. Some relations are highly probable to have emotional dependency; plus societies often consider it acceptable to have emotional dependency in such relations.

For Example:

  • Parent/Child
  • Teacher/Student
  • Husband/Wife
  • Counselor/Troubled Person

Emotional dependence shall be avoided in all circumstances; say, in our society it is so much appreciated to be affectionate towards others. But here stays difference being emotionally dependant and love. One will never be able to understand element of freedom; unless he/she attains it back. This can only come from realization; that feelings are sourced inside; not outside. Emotionally dependent believes feelings to be sourced from loved one. For example; if person on whom he/she is dependant. Could not meet him day he/she promised. Argument will come like “I have been looking your way, all day; Outside in extreme temperature; so at least I can look at you. Because I know you are too busy to be bothered to talk to me”. In reality; dependant person is seeking his satisfaction, in other person. It is just matter of believe if he is emotionally strong; person can set any standard of satisfaction. The way he has set his satisfaction in attaining other person’s attention, affection or sight; it can be set say; playing computer games or sports. Satisfaction can come through that healthy recognition too. Take charge of your life. Before someone else does; believe in yourself, it is yourself not someone else whose life you are living.

The same article has also been published in World Times Magazine, scans are provided below:



I hope you enjoyed reading the article.