Sunday, July 14, 2013

My article with subject of "Finding match for my Son" has been published in famous fashion magazine "ASIANA Wedding" (Vol 2, Issue 7, 2013). I hope you will have enjoyable and exciting read.

Perfect Match for the Only Son

By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif

In societies like ours, right from the birth of a baby girl; parents sleeve up to find the perfect match, the girl is always recipient of well wishes related to her life partner. This clearly presents insecurity in our society about girls. It is true that we live in a male dominated society; where parents of girl stay worried about making her match. Right from girl's teen age her family starts pursuit of finding the best match. Much to the ease for parents, demographics have changed a little, now young girls and boys find match of their choice during university years and become couples.

Still we cannot deny that in society like ours, finding match for your princes is difficult. Parents of the girl think that finding match of a boy is easier. But believe me grass is always greener at the other side. Let me narrate the situation of other side.

Imagine a mid aged woman who parented up a boy, and the boy who took all the major decisions of his life with consent of his “Mama”. This boy outshined in higher education, brought good name to his family. To whom she taught highest of moral values, he respect the other gender as gentleman. If he ever disorient from his teachings, he reports to his mother and pays penalty obediently. For all his success, he acknowledges his mother and her teachings. This is a character that can only be found in imaginary films. Despite punishments & strictness inflicted by his mom; this 26 years old man never lied or cheated to his Mama. This filmy boy has turned in to a young man. His friendly personality topped with his progress in early years of career, where he is known for his confidence and professionalism, society tag him as "eligible bachelor".

Many of us might think finding match for such boy is one of easiest thing to do. But the issue is that, due to value system of his mother, he has successfully failed to inspire any of his female course mates or colleagues. He is master in developing business relations, but has failed to date even one woman in his life. In modern society, it is expected out of youth to select and inspire their partners on their own; but values that he carry conflicts with these expectations and he will continuously fail to select his life partner on his own. At this stage this does not matter, if his mother allows him to find life partner. He has not developed this ability during course of time.

In modern social circle, his colleagues and friends tag him as social failure for his unwillingness towards finding his life partner. On other hand his mother is now worrying to find the best match for her only son. Especially after overhearing the stories of every day marriage failure in contemporary world, all the media hype about suffering of mothers after they get their sons married. She wants to find a girl who not only carry high moral standards, but she shall also be able to carry herself as per expectations of the modern society. On top of it, the mother carries a fear of losing her son's obedience in hands of the young women.
Apart from provided fears & expectations of his mother, boy's extended family also exert pressure to include few areas of consideration i.e. religious beliefs, family origin of the girl, her family structure, sects and even 
the language style.

In pursuit of finding a fairy for her obedient and loving son, she is puzzled and trying to touch every possible source of information about match making. All of her friends, family members are engaged in spotting the right match for this “Mama’s Boy”. List of challenges does not end here, instead of just listening to his Mom’s command, boy subtly has given a wishful characteristics of girl too; and he conveniently added “MOM!, rest whatever you deem appropriate”.

Here starts the interesting part; if mother finds a beautiful girl, she would lack on moral values. With other characteristics fit; a girl might be too ambitious in her career. Few girls within family fall at other side of political wall that too are not an option. She gets proposals from very high profile families, where she feels insecure due to immense social and financial differences. When she spots the right match, extended family pressurize to let the option go due to socially undesired characteristics in girl’s parents. In some cases girl is too modern, and in some she is too ancient. In some cases girl’s parents are rigid religious believers and in others they are too lenient. To agony of this mother, majority of her son’s course mates are getting married; and she feels threatened that society might go out of girls.

She fears to expedite the process, knowing several examples where girls spoiled life of the boy. She feels worried, that her only son might get too disoriented if she would find the wrong match. She knows, her son will always respect the other gender and his wife might unduly capitalize on his civility. This mother in her youth selected soul mates for her brothers, and she was not happy with choices she made in past.
All her life she lived according to rules of others i.e. her father, brothers & husband. She wants to enjoy youthful days of her Son. Where she can see her son living by her teachings. She has aged and often suffers through depression.

She is extremely worried, currently sitting on a couch, thinking that how come it is perceived, that getting your son married is an easy task. From where can I find my daughter in law? A girl who can keep my only son happy…. While thinking this she prays for her son. “God! Bless my son with good luck”. “Allah mere betay kay naseeb achay karay”

This flip side of match making can only be understood by Mothers, whose most precious asset is their only son. So it be your daughter or son. Match making is no easy job.

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