Opposite Attracts? (Marriage Age Difference)

This article not only address attraction of opposite genders, but also of opposite age groups as well. Please have a read; and express your thoughts about it.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together

Or

Is That the Opposite That Attracts?

By: Prof. Ayesha Kashif

It may sound taboo to many, and few may find surprised when exposed to this topic. But there exists humans who find more attraction in older age opposite gender than younger ones or people of their own age group. To start with; this attitude has been significantly noticed in females that they tend to get attracted towards mature men than their age fellows. It needs to be understood that “Age-Gap” primarily is a taboo because societies by and large find it oppose to their norm. And social norms arise from practices that majority exercise. Because majority exercise one practice, since inception of societies they tend to snub opposing norms as it tends to threaten stronger group’s freedom.

Even as per definition of “Norm” or “Normal”, it is known to be something “Usual”. Which mean, exercised by majority; although this does not mean that all exceptions are harmful? Majority of humans get attracted to opposite gender of their own age band. In our society it is even desired that male shall always have partner at least 2 to 4 years younger in age.

Having said this; it even seems acceptable in societies like ours; if female get married to person 10 or 15 years older than her. Although; it does become issue in many families; it has been found that females in their young age crave for higher financial security and emotional stability. Few cases have been reported, where females fell in love with their father’s friend, where girl age in her 20s and male in 40s. It is normally the case with females; who wish to be distinguished; or compete with their other female mates. They wish to feel; that their partner is financially stronger, stable and mature in feelings with respect to other boys, who appear so immature and childish in comparison.

Not only this; dominance of role also emit aroma that causes magnetic attraction. Research shows that many females who fell in love with older men, they were in stronger social role. For example, Young girls fall in love with their Teachers, Bosses or Professors especially if their physical appeal is attractive and their thoughts are impressive enough to die for. On other hand, mature men definitely find blossoming pretty young girls more attractive and tend to get along well.

It is not always fascinating and enjoyable in the longer run. These young girls expect allot of time from their partner, where their mature partners tend to be “busy”. And due to their busy routine, they fail to enjoy great time together in comparison of normal couple that spend more time together in initial days and grow mature together with time. Girls tend to get either too insecure about their mature partners, or find them busy all the time. Other than that; with time mature men align other responsibilities i.e. wife, kids, business, job, relatives, etc. Majority of the males extend greater effort to be in touch till they attain girl. Once attained, their top priority stays their career which is their identity. So my advice to girls is; please be very careful when you decide to couple with mature men. You may find short run satisfaction of being too secure and financially powerful. You may enjoy his dominance for a while; but this too may become a little depressing and irritating in the longer run. Other than this; these mature men know from start what they want, and what they do not. Please realize now what you really want; because this aura of his personality style, financial strength or position may become too redundant for you after ten years.

It seems quite understandable so far unless another twist steps in. Being a psychologist I have come across a lot of cases where young boys, who tend to fall in love with elder and mature women. They claim to have no attraction in young females, or females of their own age group; rather they like aged women. To say; a 24years old boy will like females in their 30s or even 40s. Subjects find it very difficult to express their feelings because of social pressures and taboos; other than that, they even question themselves as why they like older women more? If they are not aware of fact; they might be overgrown within, or they might have attained maturity before age. But to answer this surprise; such males who are early matured, they also find themselves little miss fit with their course mates / class mates in routine activities. They find maturity in their own thoughts and consider their mates to be quite childish and stupid. With that; they unconsciously believe mature women to be more understanding and easier to handle. Apart from this; they do find elegance and grace in older women. Other than that “Grass is always greener on the other side of fence”. Males find it impossible to couple with older women; this is added reason of feeling greater attraction towards elderly females. Moreover it is one of the most powerful human motives that we are always fascinated by the things that seems to be difficult or impossible to attain. For example a person who can afford to buy a Toyota Corolla will always be more attracted towards a Mercedes or BMW which is out of his financial reach.

Not all such arrangements have been found unsuccessful; but males find them challenged soon when they cross mid thirty. As many young females tend to get attracted to them; and their partner may not appeal that pretty any more. Many suffer from feel of guilt; and emotionally challenged as at that point they cannot leave their partner who have already aged.

Message here is not to condemn those who may fall in love with someone with greater age-gap. It is just to make everyone realize that there may exist exceptions; we shall respect everyone’s opinion and feelings. We cannot convince anyone to change his/her feelings for anyone, as it is usually said that “there is no logic in love”. Apart from it; those who do like someone with increased age gap shall consider advises given above before finally stepping ahead.